It was a different sort of Christmas.
A group of us from the household went for 'a magical mystery tour'. Through quiet and picturesque English villages of South Northamptonshire, Buckinghamshire and Bedfordshire. Everything seemed stunned motionless in the snow and the bitter cold. The villages have pretty names. Probably given to them by generations long gone and now buried in graveyards in the churchyards and snow laden fields with still-horses. Shalstone, Dadford, Cold Higham,, Blackesley, The Claydons, Bow Brickhill, Stewkley, Wootton Underwood and finally to quiet woodlands near Wobern Sands.
Loo breaks, hot soups and sandwiches later, we walked in the beautiful woods. The snow, the fierce cold getting colder and the pale gold fluid of the Sunlight occasionally streaming through a gap in the woodlands made a contrasting backdrop to my friend Gary trying to keep me engaged in (what I suspected was) an amusing banter, most of which remained incomprehensible through his very quick speech in thick Nottinghamshire accent.
And there was that hairy moment when Sid, driving our car, turned a corner and the next thing we knew we had slid out of the road and were resting impotently on a bank of soft, deep snow. Fortunately, many eager hands saved the day by putting us back on the road. A hot meal and the warmth of friendly togetherness back at the cottage brought the day to a happy end.
Thoughts caught between the ideas of 'seeking' and 'finding' faith. I guess the poetic instincts keep one sailing towards 'seeking'. Isn't this 'need' to find, this 'wanting', more perfect that makes the 'finding' seem frizzled, stale and small? Doesn't 'finding' faith/God almost creates an antithesis in giving God a 'finite' stature thereby negating precisely what the faithful claim to find in Him?Honestly, try and sort this out. I can't.
Reeling in memories and longings for Maya, the only woman I believe I have genuinely loved. I am rather stunned and caught off balance by the strength of my feelings. However, this longing is far from 'perfect' and rather painful. So why do I take two different intellectual stances in describing my longing for God and longing for Maya? I don't know again. I suppose it would be fantastic if God, Maya and I collided in some snowy fields somewhere and found each other!!
I am posting a clip from the film 'Love Actually' for all you romantics out there. Hope you all have had a loving Christmas.
Curious contrast of clear blue skies and Sunshine but falling temperatures.
Hmm, curious. Sort of a duality of knowing what you want but then not knowing what you want.
ReplyDeleteYou want something you once had and have yet to find again, evidenced by your longing for a past relationship, something many do as they regret losing the pinacle of what they have experienced. Yet you're looking for God which begs the question, what are you looking for God for? It's never simply because 'seemed like a good idea at the time' as the notion of God seems to be ingrained a little too deeply for that.
Is it simply to find a reason why you are the way you are and why your life has gone the way it has? Not uncommon to feel the need to blame someone or something for a condition which many feel at odds with, something bigger than ourselves to help offload the burden onto.
Or do you feel the need to find something on which to centre yourself? Religion has many benefits if done right (and many much discussed pitfalls when abused), such as allowing people to feel... for want of a better phrase spiritually calmed or centred.
Perhaps before looking for anything you should find out the what and the why of your search, perhaps then the search will be easier for you.